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Alexander Pineappleton: A Musical

July 29, 2016

Sup, weirdos. S’been awhile and oh how I’ve missed you. Per my previous post, I did indeed start a new job and it has been quite a good time. Still learning and absolutely loving it.

A nice perk working at this agency is the creative flow I’ve got all around me, and not just with work, these people ooze it out of the office as well. It’s contagious but I still found that, for some reason, I couldn’t peg down a blog post topic for months now. It was so frustrating.  I was thinking so damn hard about whether or not I wanted to write about Coconut Water (it’s like thick AND water…) or God forbid the damn politics… Nothing was working in my head. Until I realized, I’d been a busy lil chick lately and I HAD been writing. So why not show off something I’m very proud of. My bestie is obsessed with pineapple. Her husband and I have grown to accept this and for her birthday I chose to celebrate her illness instead of judging it. Because I’m amazing. And humble.

Some say it’s a masterpiece. Re-written to be a masterpiece about Pineapple.

And thus I present, my genius (after Lin Manuel Miranda’s original genius) adaptation of “Satisfied” from Hamilton… about Pineapple.

*Clears throat*

A toast to the fruit!
To the fruit! To the fruit! To the fruit!
To the spikes! To the spikes! To the spiiikes!
For Erinnnn, who’ll always take a bite!
To the whole foods! To the whole foods, to the organic choices! And the hope that it provides. (it’s provides! it provides!)

May you alwaaaaaays, have a bite.

I remember that bite, I just might-
I remember that bite, I just might-
I remember that bite, I remember that bite, I remember that…

I remember that bite, I just might regret that bite for the rest of my days.
I remember that produce aisle, tripping over ourselves just to get a taste
I remember that dream like, sunny light, yellow bright that you can’t quite place.
Oh Pineappleeee
I’ll  never forget the first time I had your taaaste
I will never be the same,
Green sprouty plant and a spikey edge frame.
And when you were sliced I forgot my dang name- set my mouth aflame, canker sore aflame

This Is Not A Game.

Pineapple: You strike me as a woman who will never be satisfied
Me: I’m sure I don’t know what you mean, give me that fork.
Pineapple: You’re like me, I will never been satisfied.
Me: You’re- a- fruit.
Pineapple: I have never been satisfied.

Me: Her name is Erin O’Reilly
Pineapple: Alexander Pineappleton
Me: Where’s your tree from?
Pineapple: Unimportant, there’s a board to cut, let’s get it done. And just you wait! Just you wait.

SO SO SO, so this is what it feels like to wipe juice from muh-chin from the fruit, what the hell is this mess?
It’s the yellow, the sweetness, don’t eat the spikes.
It’s a Erin with a sweet appetite, you see it right?
The juicy snack lasted two minutes maybe three minutes everything I ate in total agreement it’s a dream and it’s a bit of dance, a bit of a dribble and a bit of a stance
He’s a bit under ripe but I’ll give em the chance
I asked about his tree, did you see his answer? His green started fidgeting, he looked askance. He’s not organic, he’s flying by the seeds of his plants.
Juicy, boy does he know it.
Spiked skin, and he can’t even shed it.
I want take him far away from this plate but then I turn see Erin’s face and she is
HELPLESSSSS
And I know she is
HELPLESSSSSS
and her eyes are just
HELPLESSSSSS
And I realize 3 fundamental truths at the exact same time….

NUMBER ONE!
I’m a girl in a world where my only job is to
give a gift
My grocer had not one, so I’m the one who has to search queens for one
They were the oldest and the shittiest, not the hottest but not so pity-ish
And pineapple at its shittiest HA!
Doesn’t mean she’ll want it any less

NUMBER TWO!
I’m a great gift giver I’ll search for the finest one, you’d have to be naive to pick precut for one, the price doubles I
Couldn’t imagine a pineapple so hard to find
Nice going dumb Erika, you were right it’s gonna be Whole Foods time.

NUMBER THREE!
I know these aisles like I know my own mind I will deftly find the ripest spikey of our time.
If I don’t pull through for Erin she would silently resign with no rind
She would say I’m fine-
I FINALLY FIND

The juiciest prospect I cut up before our eyes
And I romanticize what it might be like if I hadn’t sliiiiced it up so quickly… At least my dear best friend found it nice.

At least I have her breath in my life…..

TO THE FRUIT!

 

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