Choke It Up To Survival
I contemplated documenting this through my humor goggles but in the end…I’m a true journalist and I can’t resist the urge to spin a story.
Last night Frankie almost died. I know, it’s hard to swallow but it’s true.
We were sitting there, eating dinner, having a chat when suddenly he made a weird noise. It kind of sounded like a wheeze that got punched in the throat. He then rushed to put his plate down and pointed at his throat.
The following series of thoughts/actions on my part won’t paint me in the best light but in my defense…I totally get the mindset behind people thinking gunshots are fireworks.
Frankie tries to breathe chicken and it doesn’t go well.
Erika (thought): Frankie stop.
Frankie punch wheezes again and frantically points at his throat.
Erika (thought): DID I PUT NUTS IN THE CHICKEN (why the hell would i put nuts in the chicken?)
Frankie stumbles around the living room making horrible sounds.
Erika (thought): Ok this is bad but I think he can handle it.
While I dump responsibility onto him it’s clear he can’t handle it.
Erika (thought): Oh shit this is real. Holy shit i don’t know the Heimlich. EDDIE IZZARD TAUGHT ME NOTHING.
Frankie is now looking terrified that I will just watch him die a slow chicken death.
Erika (words): Uh…Oh my god. Ok. Um. Ok.
Frankie pretty much resigns to the fact that while I’ve practiced in the art of Katniss, Katniss never had to give the Heimlich Maneuver.
Erika dives in and attempts the Heimlich. Erika feels really stupid and it’s not effective.
FRANKIE PROCEEDS TO DIE.
Erika (thoughts): just beat the shit out of him. JUST BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF HIM!
Erika beats the shit out of Frankie’s back and out comes chicken. The splat i’ll hear all of my life.
Erika (thought): Chriiiiiiiiiiiiiist. (and then the worst part) I had to physically cover my mouth so that I would not actually laugh hysterically like my body wanted me to as Frankie is hunched over and backing away from the light.
Erika (actually said out loud): What the hell happened! (wince)
Needless to say the laughing may have been more appropriate than a seemingly angry response.
When all was said and done…. Frankie lived. And we both immediately went on our phones to watch how to correctly Heimlich someone. And I laughed a lot because my body was determined to laugh away the panic.
Side note: Rosie took full advantage of her co-owner almost dying and attempted to consume the rest of Frankie’s chicken on the couch.