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WARNING: Entering a “TWSS” Zone

July 13, 2015

I had the great misfortune of watching Magic Mike XXL only once this weekend. Ideally, for research purposes, I would have preferred a few more rounds (twss) while I take an article of clothing off each time.

Oh, I’m sorry. This is a blog, not my fantasy diary.

There’s a point to this post, man boys. Don’t get your banana hammocks in a twist.

Ok, let’s get down to the good stuff (twss). It’s kinda hard to get this out (twss).

But as I watched Magic Mike, purely for pleasure pur…uh, purely for professional purposes, I came…..*wicked grin* to the conclusion that a certain song must have been crafted with science and possibly a little magic.

Once you discard the giggles and penetrate the eye candy- I found a rather interesting theory:

The song “Pony” could get the coldest fish nice and toasty. It’s has to be science. I’m not sure who Genuwine(?) worked with to set up this song but if science isn’t at play then magic is.

The second the song comes on, the moment that first techno bass “yeah” resonates through your bones…it’s on like Magic Mike’s package slamming into your face (this is in the movie, not part of my twisted hopes and dreams).

I can’t explain it. Even this morning, packing up fruit and bottles, the song comes on a playlist that does not contain the Magic Mike XXL soundtrack *cough* and I’m having to restrain from grinding against the fridge. I think my clothes blew off by sheer force of the beat, but I can’t be sure. *looks down to body* Nope, clothes still on.

But on a serious note…there’s nothing serious about this post. I’ve said “banana hammocks” and alluded to grotesque desires containing the song Pony. If you want to be enlightened with profound proverbs, move on. If you want to see the light thanks to being knocked out by an incoming crotch watch Magic Mike, I can’t provide that either. At least not over the web.

The point is this….as my friend said, “Men, send your girls to see Magic Mike and your night will be made about 2.5 hours later.” I can’t push this any harder (twss)…Tatum simulates the nasty as he levitates between the bent over forms of two women. And if that doesn’t do it, there’s a 15 minutes scene in the end that will have her clawing out of that theatre to live out the scenes with you the second she gets in the door. Oh, come on. There’s no harm in her pretending you’re the torso of Channing Tatum with the voice of Matt Bomer.

But if you don’t have the luxury of that set up, you can apparently pull out your magic wand and load up “Pony” on Spotify, pull the drapes (or don’t *wiggles eyebrows*) and let the magic unfold.

Your best night brought to you courtesy of a 14.50 movie ticket (and Channing Tatum’s crotch slamming). Saddle up for a wild ride, my friends.

Ladies. *tips hat, throws hat off stage right*

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