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Freakum’ Dress: Theory

February 27, 2015

Alright. We know ‘the dress’. #dressgate. What color do you see? OH MY GOD I DON’T SEE WHAT YOU SEE. WHAT DOES THE WORLD EVEN MEAN?

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I’m pretty sure I’m accurately describing at least 3/4 of the population yesterday.

The snapchats passed back and forth from my friend, Erin, and I were of Cloverfield level terror and cinematography.

Facebook’s face melted.

Nobody trusted anyone ever again.

But while there are plenty of theories going around regarding “science” and “logic” and “facts”…I have a theory of my own.

I know the government thought it was being coy. But their plot is as clear as that dress is blue. And that was the point, wasn’t it?

You know those scenes in movies when someone says, “We didn’t see that guy shoot the other guy, right? We didn’t see it, riiiiight?”  and the other guy responds, “Oh right…yeah…we didn’t see nuh’in.”

The government of the Unite States of America just had 75% of the dress viewing population mentally respond with, “we didn’t see nuh’in.”

The gov tells you that dress is white and gold? Why question it? Your mind is so easily moldable you might as well envision the president maniacally laughing in his oval (do you see oval or do you see square?) office.

But i see both! Good for you, you’re one step closer to escaping the nation size, mind controlled army the government is slowly forming. As you long as you question everything always for the rest of your life and never trust another form of anything, you’re fine. Phew, right?

Those of you who see only gold and white? Well…have fun being a mindless human drone. And don’t find comfort in the fact that maybe you’ll be fighting for a good cause, the gov doesn’t need human bodies for a good cause- they need you for world domination. But you know what? You won’t even know. Key word, mindless. I’ll have the hardest time of all.

I’m now being pit against the government and its mindless (you) army. Hunger Games, Divergent, Saved by the Bell…it’s all prepared me for this moment. And I won’t hesitate going Black&Blue all over your asses.

Hear that GOVERNMENT??? I’m immune to your mind games.  I’m the Katniss wearing a blue dress pin that everyone else sees as gold. My name will be whispered across the plains and dress signs will appear spray painted blue (or gold?) on buildings abandoned by all the mindless white/gold people.

I’ll lose friends. My spouse is dead to me. Luckily, my daughter is too young to even know what color is so she’s safe for now.

I didn’t know last night was the turn of the revolution. I’m sure nobody saw it would come in the form of an ugly ass dress. But we don’t make the rules, we just argue over what color they are.

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