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I Can Has Style: OSCARS 2014!!!!

March 3, 2014

Holy haute couture! The Oscars happened last night and boy was it long! I mean, great!

In all honesty, I didn’t think it was awful but I also cleaned up poop, puke and breast fed during the show so it livened things up. I guess that’s what you get when you invite Lindsey Lohan over. ZING!

Anywho, let’s get all up in those seam lines from last night and lightly touch on HOW I WAS 100% ACCURATE ON WINS LAST NIGHT. cough. I’m humble.

Birthday Suits and Necking:

bielnude catenude sarahnude

Don’t be prude, be nude! The color of naked was a major trend last night. I believe it was symbolic for the thespians coming bare and raw to accept golden statues for being paid liars. Sorry, I mean extremely talented paid liars.

lupitaneck hudsonneck charlizeblackSome opted for neck nudity instead of the color. And boy did they plunge deep in the trend. See what I did there? On top of exposing breast bones and bubbies, the styles and colors picked for such a statement were statements of their own. Lupita was GAHgeous in that lovely blue, Kate Hudson was down right sexy in her classic but modern cut, and Charlize took the cake (but didn’t eat it because she had to fit in that dress).

Cl-Cl-Classics Ya’ll 

jlawclassic amyclassic

I always  love me the Classic category, while it takes balls to show up in something showy, it takes brains to step out in something classic and still make a statement. JLaw and Amy Adams played the modern twists best on the throwback styles, but only one knocked ’em down…Oh wait, that was just JLaw tripping.

Jewels, Metals and Boddesses

kristenbodice kellyembellish

gagabodice annemetal angelina

Metallics have been a trend now for a few years of Red Carpets, and I have to say the past years have shown the style off better. Angelina, unfortunately, meddling in metals did not appeal to me this year. I felt the cut was matronly but the idea was there. Anne Hathaway is getting a tad too thin, in my opinion, but her studded halter dress did play well to the theme of metallics.  A few of the nudes could shimmy into the gem’d out dresses category but Kelly Osborne’s play on it was downright lovely. And finally, the Bodice Bodesses of last night were Kristen Bell and Gaga. Gaga could have easily won this category if it weren’t for the over done makeup and pink scarf- I get what you’re doing but that dress should have shown alone. Appealing to the squishy new mom in me, I loved Kristen stepping out in a corset style gown with a classic twist. The eye follows it well and that baby weight was left off the red carpet.

Goo Goo Gah Gah Gowns

preggo2 preggo1 preggo3

One thing I was not expecting to trend last night was Preggo Bellies! I have nothing negative to say about these gowns or ladies, I’m just now clearing that part of my life and holy embryo- the fact they even showed face, let alone dressed to the nines and couldn’t have a drink, Bravah ladies.

Black is Back 

juliablack bra annabodiceSome of my FAV FAV FAV gowns last night were in this category (and one may be the lucky Best Dressed). Black can be expected, easy and boring- but these beauties played it right and stepped into the light with some dark dressed style. I knew Anna Kendrick would show up to play the game, but the embellished red florets and pop of her deep red clutch turned black into a whole new ball gown game.

And now for the best part! Best and Worst! YAY!

I hate to do this to you Penelope but…

worst

Yeesh. And that’s just from the front. The color pink isn’t for P Cruz, the cut is not flattering for such a lovely figure and the back makes her look like she managed to conceive a child in her spine.

BESSSSSSST:

Ok, this was tough. I’m still not even sure who to pick….Lupita pulled off a color choice and gown cut that not many could do. Charlize took it there with her dress. And while I’ve found Julia Roberts dress on worst dressed lists all over (what are they thinking) I believe it to be down right perfect for a woman with style. So who to choose?

Sigh….

charlizeblack

Gotta give the gown to Charlize. It’s interesting, sexy and perfect from head to toe. But for the record: I LOVE Lupita and Julia.

Oh wait…I mean this girl was best dressed:

cori 2

Because I’m a mom and have to pick my daughter over everything…and if she could wear plunging necklines she would but she’s a baby and that’s effing weird. She won’t show neck skin until she’s 30 if I have anything to say about it.

And the Academy Award for Best Portrayal of a Mom goes to….

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