I Can Has Style.
I’m taking my lovely friend, Maki, and wrapping her up in global regard- HER WORST NIGHTMARE! YAY!
Her wedding is Saturday and while that is obviously a big deal- even bigger? It’s my first friend wedding ever! I’m a big girl now!
The day is about me.
So, since I can’t shove her wedding down your throat- I’ve misplaced my DeLorean- I’ve decided to celebrate weddings in general and hunt down the most unique love ceremonies around the world.
I’d Love Samoa Champagne:
The Samoans are definitely barking up the right tree of weird. In Samoa, the women deck themselves in the finest…mulberry?…for their wedding looks. At first I thought they literally strapped wood to their bodies, but upon further investigation I realized they make a fine cloth from the wood. YOU CAN MAKE CLOTH FROM TREES? What are they gonna make up next, paper from it? Ha!
Kenya Is Such A Drag!
Apparently in Kenya, it’s tradition for the man to get his feminine on a month after their wedding day. They are made to dress up in women’s clothing to fully understand the difficulties of our gender. Cough. Oh, I hadn’t realized our clothes were the bain of our existence…could have sworn it was the watermelons being forced through a grape sized hole or the murder to our uterine wall once a month. But sure, wear a dress and call yourself macaroni.
Tall Tails in Java. Well… at least someone got something right. The fee for getting married on Java is 25 rat tails. Now, I know you’re thinking- AWESOME!- and so am I. This, to me, means that weddings are taking fucking seriously- would you hunt down 25 rat tails to marry your boo? Not to mention, if you want a divorce- it’s 40 rat tails. You have to hunt down and cut off 40 rat tails with the person you want to get away from. One. Word. Genius.
This Blog Isn’t Over Until The Fat Lady Weds
Say hello to your beautiful bride. She’s eaten years for this day. Apparently, in the Moor Arab community, the fatter the bride the…more….awesome? They don’t care about your weight in gold, your lard is what proves wealth and well being in this land.
Well Maki- there you have it. I’ll pack on the pounds, make sure Zach wears your wedding dress, gift you with rat tails and wear wood to your wedding.