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I Was Just Wondering…

May 1, 2013

Am I becoming more of a pompous prude or was that woman just horrifyingly disgusting?

For the sake of my awesomeness, I’m gonna blame the shitty mess on the train this morning.

What. The. Front door.

I’m standing on the train, already slightly peeved that this blonde shark came out of nowhere and stole the seat I was mid-step to get. And then, out of the way with my back against the train butt door, another blonde demon comes from the train’s depths and backs up all on my shit. Wet hair, wearing a lot of brown, and trying to text ferociously while simultaneously drinking a bottle of flavored aspartame; that image alone is shitty mess ready.

But alas….

At this point my lip is only slightly curled and Band of Skulls was helping to harness my aggression towards her- until she, too, stole a seat I was about to shimmy into. Lip curled further.

She then started placing things in between her and a small old lady who shared the two-seater. The old lady got off and I thought, no fucking way I’m sitting next to this heathen. I’d rather stand, fuck you very much.

And it got worse.

At some point my peripherals caught the image of her sliding down the seat, spreading her legs and taking her pant zipper between two agressive fingers and yanking up. Like a fucking man. Nay, like a fucking beast who was just taught to dress himself.

Exhibit A

She then rips open a wrapped sandwich with her jowls (okay, maybe that’s an exaggerating but she may as well have) and begins to eat that fucking sandwich like she hadn’t been fed in years.

Lip to my nose at this point. I’m trying so hard to ignore it, I really am.

She’s masticating, chugging her “Aspartame Vitamin water”, spreading her legs to scrape the bread bits from her crotch while trying to continue her ravenous texting to some poor being.

At this point, my lip is so high and my eyebrows are following suit that I’m sure I resemble a certain Lannister:

The nightmare ended as I sprinted from the M train at W4 and puked in trashcan.

Okay, maybe I didn’t puke but I did say a little prayer for anyone she comes in contact with today.


I was just wondering…were you raised in a barn full of man beasts?

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