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I Can Has Style

March 28, 2013

But not Gwyneth Paltrow’s.

My mom just clued me in on a little haute hooplah that started this week after Goop released her “Spring Edit” on must have’s for the season. There was not one item on that list under $100, in fact- there doesn’t seem to be anything even gently toeing the Benjamin.

she likes to promote the site as “every woman’s” style like thing


I clearly heard my call to duty- Take her high horse couture and bring it down to the real “every woman” level.


This version of her “Everyday Punk” outfit hits around 2k…you know, because every woman has 2k lying around with no real purpose save to by Rag&Bone jeans. Fuck my toddler’s need for diapers, amiright moms? Let’s try this selection, the total of this substitute is about 1800 less.



Right. This is Everyday punk with enough left in your wallet to go to your poser concert with your poser punk outfit. Win-Win.


Oh, nothing says spring like 3k worth of pastels and Jergen tanned legs. Your college debt neeeeeds this outfit. Or, mayhap we try this one for a total of $120.




Smell that? It’s the sound of your credit card debt evaporating as you save money.

Listen, Gwen. Keep the fashion suggestions for the every woman to the every woman. You married a ‘rock star’, you named your kid after fruit, and your mother is Blythe Danner- you ain’t every woman. A your wallet has no idea what the term means.

If Gwyneth can has expensive style, I can has affordable style.

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