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The 5 Step Program For Coping With Rock.

March 12, 2013

I am once again attending a rock show. The Whigs to be exact! FACE MELTING!!!

As I mentally prep for such an experience I’ve come to realize that there are very specific steps in successfully coping with the fact that you’re face will be rocked off in mere hours.

Here is my FDA approved 5 Step Program For Coping With Rock. (this product not tested on animals)

5. Increased Appetite.


It’s true. You’ll definitely feel the munchies come on in ferocious waves, sustenance will be hard to accomplish seeing that nothing is as satisfying as your eardrums making their way to your stomach. Close second? Hot Dogs.

4. Public Outbursts (or sudden duets)

sudden duets

While not detrimental to the near public you can imagine the embarrassment (awesomeness) of breaking out in rock roaring duets while commuting to work. Unfortunately, we must all practice splitting our throats for the sake of the show later that night. It’s our duty.

3. Causing Physical Harm

physical harm

Most commonly to yourself BECAUSE THAT’S ROCK ‘N ROLL! Word? Word. You know what I’m talking ’bout, Parker.

2. Finding Religion


Get down on your knees and pray to all that is holy…nothing says Hallelujah like bright whites in your face and sweat streaming down your back.

1. Satisfaction


The final step is achieved through stating your name at will call and waiting for the schmokin’ Bad Girlfriend and the Whigs to grace my presence with their fuckin awesomeness.

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