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American Hide-Ol.

January 24, 2013


The only thing more uncomfortable than singing acapella in front of famous people who judge your every breath and know you’ll never amount to their success is singing in front of Nikki Minaj and Mariah Carey.


In the first few seconds of watching AI this last week I had to remind myself I wasn’t sitting on my couch naked, exposed to the icy glare of Mariah as she proceeded to look into the camera every time she spoke. Gulp.

And with the blatantly subtle (yeah, you read that right.) jabs at one another I was also fairly sure I would need to break up an all out hair pulling, eye scratching girly fight. Luckily, Nikki pays too much for her wigs and Mariah wouldn’t want to stand at all for fear of exposing her expanding waistline (mommy hood yall, not saying she’s fat).

And poor Keith Urban with his smooth skin and perfect hair, he has no idea what to do. I’m sure the producers advised him that hiding under the table prob won’t help much and “why hide that precious face?”  Why? Because he’s in between the most feral pop divas of the 21st century. With nails. And whitened teeth. And fake eyelashes that turn into chinese stars.


I must admit, I only tuned into the first episode to catch some cattiness- and even though I’m left feeling raw and vulnerable yet somehow superior- I will definitely tune in again. This is beyond a car wreck, this is like watching those few moves the driver makes before colliding with the median….and finding  yourself wishing it would just happen already.

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