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News! WORTH! Newsing!

November 14, 2012

I’ve learned a very important lesson today: Patrons don’t make an establishment’s reputation, the CEO does.

Allow me to elaborate:

The CEO of Waffle House said Tuesday that a former employee who claims he tried to force her to have sex actually was a participant in consensual sex and has been trying to blackmail him.

In my head I see these two people very clearly given my experience with Waffle House. The young 30 year old waitress who doesn’t look a day under 50 spots something shiny down the counter, the oily face of the CEO reflecting in his best overall buttons. She can smell hundreds of dollars from at least 3 chairs down and her nose didn’t fail her that day.

Ok, maybe that’s an exaggeration- I’m not sure he even owns a “best” pair of overalls. But he does own some suddenly appearing morals, which is more than most patrons that visit Waffle House can say (hyuck hyuck hyuck!)

“I am a victim of my own stupidity, but I am not going to be a victim of a crime – extortion,” Joe W. Rogers Jr. said in a written statement.

The written statement was a smart move, it’s important that his message be read by a non-regional dialect and not said through a press conference where millions of people who won’t even know this happened might see his many missing teeth while cringing against his accent that sowunds lyk theeyus.

I’m not here to spread gossip, I’m just the messenger, but it’s rumored he smothered her with affection and covered her in gifts which only revealed to her his deep pockets and life supply of cheese. She couldn’t resist his cheddar or cheese, EH??? EH???

Rumors or not, she was out to dice up his fortune and pepper his discrepancies all over the hashbrowns of America. Like people give a shit.

The woman told Atlanta police last month that Rogers demanded she perform sexual acts in exchange for keeping her job and that he also tried to force her to have sex with him despite her repeated protests.

This is always a pretty tricky stance to take as a woman, and you never want to accuse an abused woman of lying- that’s a nasty cliche to get wrapped up in. But, with that said, the article later goes to describe how she worked for him for 5 years where she states this started…she quits and then comes back as house manager a few years later. While I’m not in this situation, I smell deep fried bullshit because if I had the chance to escape a sexual demon man I sure as shit wouldn’t come back to work for him.

This story is as sticky and heart clogging as his “restaurant”, and while you feel filthy reading it…feel oily for even enjoying it…it’s about as delicious as half the menu offered by Waffle House. Hold the extortion.

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