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Holy Holidays Batman!

October 11, 2012

Geez Louise… was anybody gonna remind me THAT THE HOLIDAYS ARE FAST APPROACHING?

I bout had a heart attack this morning, that lessened to a panic attack once I realized 25 year olds shouldn’t have heart attacks- gotta leave something to the oldies. Anywho, I was clipping my flats down Carmine and put together the dates…and how seriously short the time is between now and when i’m surrounded by no money, family and friends. And no money. Hopefully there WILL be more money with a lil suh-in suh-in in terms of work….but I learned my lessen quickly about depending on a phantom hope. And how assholey corporate America is. But I digress….

THE EFFING HOLIDAYS? I barely have the mental capacity to remember my own damn name at this point…now I have to budget out gifts? Think of what gifts to even buy? Evoke murderous rage while searching for the ideal flight home? (You can’t see this, but I just closed my eyes dramatically as if that would help shut out the facts. it didn’t.)

Tis the season to be jolly, but quite honestly- there is no room for jolly until you check your bank account on Christmas Eve, and if the number isn’t right, the jolly ain’t gonna be there either. Not to mention the fattest holiday of the year is a month prior and I swear to all that is CarbHoly if I don’t feel good about myself as I board the flight home at Xmas…I may arrive in Texas single. I can defend myself as good as anyone, but me at an airport- fearing for my life- and feeling fat and broke will create a monster Frankie has only met in his nightmare. Or that one fight 3 years ago. Or that other morning after a night of no sleep…or….Okay, maybe he has met this monster. But who would ever want that creature boarding a 3 hour flight? I feel for him.

Not to mention the list of things (that all cost money) that need to be done before the holidays but have nothing to actually DO with the holidays.

-Glasses

-Permit test (so I can drive in Texas, if I have to endure one more xmas with Frankie behind the wheel in Mesquite, that aforementioned monster will be eaten by the monster that comes from my lack of driving annoyance.)

-Tighten up (for wiggle room when I eat my family out of house and home.)

-Winter clothes

I’m sure there’s more to the list but my brain realizes I have 8 hours of work before me and if I really think about this list I might revert back to the Carmine panic attack.

If anyone would like to volunteer as my personal assistant, I can’t pay you except in laughs. But by God, YOU WILL LAUGH. Call me.

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. maki permalink
    October 12, 2012 11:32 am

    why do i feel like you’ve already volunteered me….

  2. October 12, 2012 11:51 am

    Are you laughing hysterically? PAID.

  3. maki permalink
    October 12, 2012 2:44 pm

    upon reading your response, MORE PAYMENT.

  4. October 19, 2012 12:30 pm

    Only two months and six days until Christmas, but who’s counting? 😛

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