Me Say Cheese!

We’re all more than aware of my insecurities that shatter my ability to:

-Look at myself in passing windows

-Talk too loud in restaurants

-Wear anything I deem cool while I deem me too uncool to wear it.

To name just a few.

But as I’m not a self centered narcissist, I mean, normal person- Let me share the stage with the self-cough-normal person.

GIRL OF 2012, I admire you.

Do I Look Better With….

You look at life like a hobo looks at a garbage can- it’s full of treasure. You can walk into a bathroom and transform the gritty tile and bad lighting into a loft where Annie Lebowitz awaits her muse (that’s you). You point your iPhone to the mirror recently cleaned (for you) with government issued counter spray and you aren’t “Girl”, you’re “That Girl”. You aren’t wearing Target jeans, you’re wearing Seven Jeans. That’s not your hair, that’s extensions. That’s not your complexion, that’s Instagram.

….Big Eyes?

Your world is Cinderella’s Carriage, only, as long as you have your Facebook app that glass ball of diamonds and wheels won’t shift back into a smelly pumpkin- and if it does? That’s okay, smelly smashed pumpkins make your eyes stand out with that Heve filter on Instagram, you’ll totes get lots of likes.

…Sad Emo Face

I’ve often wondered what I did wrong to make my life so….lifelike.

Real Ya’ll

Yuck.

And then I realized, how stupid of me- It’s lifelike because I was living in one take. ONE TAKE? I know, hilar right? It took having a 20 year old sister to understand the beauty of shutter happy fingers and an appropriately icon’d trashcan. I don’t live in one real take anymore, I live and die in twenty snaps and choose the one where my lips and eyes glisten equally. The Army taught her well, “Be The Best You Can Be”, well she is and more- She’s the Best She Can Be For Nine Camera Shots Until She Can Compare What Technically Is The Best. And that to me says, Narcissist. I mean, Winner.

…Black and White Kissy?

GIRL OF 2012, I salute you. Life gave you lemons and you took pictures with them in that cute pink top you knew would look great with yellow. If only we could all take a little time to dig deep into our photo gallery app and really figure out who we are and in what filter we look better through.

In the spirit of this blog and my sister, Caitlin, who urged me to write the post above (her quest for self obsession doesn’t fade against sarcasm)- I give you……THE HIP!