Oh-lympics!

We want to jump through those rings, not wear them as belts.

Oh, the Lympics. Isn’t it just dandy?

Fine specimen from around the world achieving tasks of unbridled strength that prove what the mind and body can accomplish- all the while, here in America, you cheer our team on through Taco Bell stuffed mouths as you look at your running shoes from across the room while trying to convince yourself obesity doesn’t apply to you. Or the person you swallowed.

I love the fact we put pressure on the chosen ones plucked from our country to win GOLD, meanwhile our nation is sinking faster into the rolls of unkept blubber, like quicksand.

How about this, in support of those winning Gold for a country famous for a different kind of “Winning!”, slip those sneakers on and go for a walk. Take your kids. Your spouse. The dog. Think of those achieving the impossible for a country they’re proud of, we’re proud of them- make them proud of you.

Otherwise the Olympics will morph into a mix of The Biggest Loser and Hunger Games, the fatter America gets the less likely we’ll want to see perfect human beings reaching goals when you can’t even reach your fat ass over the counter to grab your cookies.