So i’ve apparently been knee deep in Style Denial.
I’ve put this post off for as long as I can but it’s my duty as a fashion sight seer to report what is in…even if I’m not convinced it should be.
NEON! (ugh, I cringe typing it.)
Apparently someone has made Neon a thing to wear, you know, in case the bar light in your podunk town is out, you can beacon your buds over. You’ll be a hero…that nobody can actually look at as it’s very dangerous for your eyes.
Alright, let’s dive in so I can stop looking at these horrific ideas on color:
Well if anyone is looking for V-Hugs crotchel region and has a hard time….these shorts should help.
I’m sorry but this a safety hazard. And I don’t mean, it’s the color of hazard suits…even though it is….Oh, how ironic. Hipsters must love this.
Ok…now that I’ve gotten that color out of the way..I have to admit something. It’s not that I hate that color, even though I do, it’s also that…well…I’M FUCKING PALE! These colors make my skin look gray for heavens sake. All you tan bitches out there flashing your neon yellows like who the eff you are. Hmph!
Now on to equally as annoying, but almost tolerable Neons:
The flash of pink is bright, and I don’t like bright…BUT- it’s one staple that goes under the POC category, so it’s forgiven.
Mary Kate dashed down the New York street with a dash of neon on each nail with a splash on the eyes. It’s like her fashion is saying- I’m normal, just a normal girl wearing black and denim…nothing special…oh but wait, I have to make sure the Paps see me being normal so let me stand out in blaring neon.
Put a sperm on it!
You know what would be more fashionable that camel with hot pink? A camel toe with no hot pink.
Who puts camel with hot pink?
Alright, I have a headache from all these horrific colors but I did it. I served my people with what they want…but might I implore you to at least put a sperm on it if you insist on wearing Neon?