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Zen in the Art of Fuckery.

July 16, 2012

Why not start Monday on the right foot? And by right foot I mean, peacefully.

Peacefully plotting like Napoleon in a sun dress, stroking her Proactive perfect chin….

We all get fucked. I would love to mean the awesome kind but I don’t. We all get fucked.

Fuckery comes in many forms and often times you yourself will have tickled a finger over the trigger that eventually blows your mind…it might not have been the pressure point, but you held the gun and didn’t think to put the safety on.

I can think back to childhood, teenage era, young adult and now a little older adult and see the many forms of fuckery that led to horrible times and coincidentally amazing times. We of course can’t see into the future and hindsight is a sonovabitch, but what’s worse is the actual moment- the seconds of slow motion when you realize you’ve been foreplayed into a fuck so wrong all you can do is walk to the bathroom and cry silently in the stall as women wash their hands and check out their cleavage.

But it happened. You can’t go back. You hold a piece of your skull in your palm and wonder what you could possibly do to put the bone back together.

It hit me this weekend when I was recreating my cranium with the effective Skinny Girl adhesive, what am I going to do? How could I possibly continue on with a positive light for 8 hours out of my day?

Little droplets of Effery.

How? Well, here is my list of Zenning the fuck out of the fuckery done to you:

+Don’t get emotional, they can feel it no matter where you are in the world and they smile in their sleep as they soak up the smell of your tears. Instead, picture them crying- crying like little girls who got dumped at the dance. I even go an extra measure and imagine that I’m standing over them in a dark corner watching.

Don’t worry, it gets lighter, keep reading.

+Imagine the cliche movie scene where you’re sitting alone in an apartment you couldn’t possibly afford but because you’re in a movie people over look it. You are there, sitting in an over stuffed chair with a loose sweater and your hair laid perfectly over your skinny shoulders in shiny spirals. Something is obviously wrong, you’ve been obviously wronged but in a moment…slowly…as some really perfect song plays that only the audience can hear…you turn your head, looking at something in the distance…..and you smile. It’s a little evil, a little perfect, a lotta winning. Even if you haven’t somehow figured out mentally what you will do to turn the tables, imagining the moment and making yourself a movie star will do nothing but send good vibes. Amiright?

+FUCKING LEARN! The best thing to do in the moments following a life attack is to say to yourself in a really dramatic mirror scene that this will not happen again. That you refuse to be fucked with but that you won’t change who you are. GOOD WILL WIN! KILL THEM WITH KINDNESS! In the shape of a…mind…gun….full of…rainbows….No, listen, just fuckin toughin up and move on.

+Being a princess in a past life helps. Sure it’s what probably got me into this fuckery to begin with, karma and all that,  but I’ve learned my lessons and now I only take from the mannerisms that shaped my regal reveries. I lift my chin, I straighten my spine, I pretend everyone around is below me and aching to kiss my ring finger, I pretend I could wage war and take you down with the twitch of my lips and a snap of the finger. Pretty much I just act like me but with a little more suave.

And finally…..

+Prepare. We often live in a rule of relationships that if he/she’s a cheater, they’re always a cheater. I feel the same goes with fucking people over whether it’s because of someone falling on someone else’s genitalia, or a plethora of other situations that leave you just as broken. So why doesn’t this rule apply in the corporate world? You know that saying, it’s only business- not personal. Ha! That was the CEO of Fuckery making sure nobody thinks business is a relationship. Well it is. And if you get fucked, you will more than likely get fucked again. So combine all the points above, stock up your arsenal with as much personal positive reinforcement and know how, and get the fuck out of the war zone that has a ditch with your name 0n it. 

And at the end of the day, when your best efforts tire you and you let the feeling of overwhelming sadness and confusion take hold of your mind for just a second, remember this key lesson: Don’t ever do to someone else what had just been done to you. It’s easy to learn from bad influences, but it’s more important to avoid them and show what it’s like to be a real person with a damn real heart…Even if that’s what got you into this mess to begin with.

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