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Why…Are You…So….Weird?

July 11, 2012

I know this blog post might result in stalking, but I’ll take my chances. You know how I do.

What the fuck is in this kool-aid?

Thanks to the speedy divorce of TomKat, Scientology has done the impossible: It. Got. Weirder.

I don’t care that you worship something that gave aliens tax audits, it’s nice to know we still have economical systems in the space world. I don’t care that you speak weird and laugh hysterically at things we can’t interpret. I don’t care that no matter how much I read up on this “religion” I can’t seem to absorb much more facts than the audit thing….there’s a volcano in the story I think, too…. But I’m not into Science Fiction, so my brain saves room for like…sane…things….

What I do care about, and what doesn’t help your image no matter how many Travoltas and Cruises are in your grips, is the fact that nobody talks about it.

You’ve got baptists going to other countries to shove their worship down hungry throats. You’ve got Mormons doing the door to door routine. You’ve got Catholics trying to shut down Planned Parenthoods. They’re out there, flaunting their Jesus card like it’s their lifeline. But Sciencefictionists? Ssssssshhhhhhhh, let’s make people as scared as, but more amusing than, Muslims.

Why won’t you talk about it? If your cult, cough, religion is as amazing and superior as you creepily say it is (Tom Cruise)- Share the word! Draw us in! Let us take a nip at the red juice, let us stain our lips with knowledge of tax audits!

Don’t let us get creeped out, people should only be judgmental of others faith- not scared of it. And not scared like rape scared, scared like robes and circles in chalk and candles.

I know we’ll never know the facts behind this tragic, never saw it coming, split- but when we hear things like he had a member of the cult, cough, church monitor Katie at all times…. I mean, Baptists aren’t even that bad. She had to get a disposable phone to even talk to her legal team. Look how terrified her daughter looks, she’s 8 and still her mother carries her because a Zenonian could come right out from space and grab her- but NonSciencefictionists are like holy water to religious aliens so as long as Suri is clutched tight in a born again Real Person, she will be safe.

Listen, what I’m getting at is this: I made up all of this because you refuse to try and convert us with space words, I mean scripture. Spread the know how and don’t try and trick us with Stress Tests at 42nd street- that’s just cruel, anyone who has ever walked that underground nightmare is going to be a stress mess and you take advantage of our weakness! You ask general questions like if we feel sad, overwhelmed, overworked and pretend your ways could change it…..Wait…that sounds a lot like religion to me.

Happy Hump Day Weirdos!

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