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News! WORTH! Newsing!

July 10, 2012

Frankie and I chose a movie the other night to watch, Wanderlust. I thoroughly enjoyed it but if I thought anything from the fictional film would embed itself into my real life, I would have thought it was me going to a hippy commune so I could eat from the earth and smoke lots of happy grass.

I would not think the first scene in the movie would be my movie to life moment.

In this scene Rudd and Aniston are in front of a realtor to buy their very own NYC real estate. Rudd at one point calls it a studio, the realtor cuts in and corrects his offensive word, “It’s a micro loft.”

Home sweet home. The front door is behind you and you have to learn a good squat to use the bathroom above your bed. It’s just a hole and bucket, but if you close your eyes and pretend there is a window…NYC is RIGHT THERE!

The Almighty Bloomberg who roughs it with the best of us (*hard sarcastic stare full of evil*) has decided that apartments should be smaller. Let me repeat that, he thinks we can make even smaller units and have real people live in them. I haven’t had it confirmed whether or not they will be padded.

I would assume the lot of you that are living in a closet right now costing twice the amount of your “back home” friends mortgages are assembling your pitchforks and torches? Right.

Could apartments in New York City get any smaller? Mayor Michael Bloomberg hopes so. On Monday he announced a competition for architects to submit designs for apartments measuring just 275 to 300 square feet (25.5 to 28 square meters) to address the shortage of homes suitable and affordable for the city’s growing population of one- and two-person households.

…………………….Mr. Bloomberg. Would you and your wife live in a 275 sq foot “apartment”?

There are things this man does that I’m all, okay I can be down with that. But then there are times he claims people shouldn’t be annoyed by “rubbing a few elbows” on the 6 train in the morning. You’re not “rubbing elbows”, you’re having your face shoved into the arm pit of a stranger and they haven’t even taken you to dinner yet- not to mention the bag of someone behind you is trying to become your new set of pants. And if anything dangerous broke out causing havoc in the subways? More people would be trampled to death than escape.

You’re diluted.

“People from all over the world want to live in New York City, and we must develop a new, scalable housing model that is safe, affordable and innovative to meet their needs,” the mayor said in a statement announcing the “adAPT NYC” competition.

Translation? “People will pay ridiculous amounts for apartments the size of a restroom as long as it’s situated in a safe part of Manhattan. And by safe we mean places Sex and the City filmed at.”

You know what’s sad? He’s playing to these dumb-asses because they exist.

I’m a simple girl and while I did move to NY because of Manhattan not once did I think spending beyond my means was worth it. I can hop on a train that takes ten minutes to get to the city, I don’t need to pay thousands of dollars extra so I can say I live in Manhattan.

Oh, but Bloomberg, you smart man you…. You love those people. Because they’ll be living in your micro-apartments come 2015!

Tiny-apartment hunters might have better luck in the 21st century than the mayor did in mid-to-late 20th.

I’m sorry…who is purposely looking for a closet? Don’t we all try and find the best space for the best price? Not the smallest space for the kinda same price?

These articles all go on to show how Bloomberg was once like us in the 40’s when he was a young lad and lived in a 600sq ft unit that cost him $200… but he would have lived in a place smaller if he could have.

I live in an apt that is 700 sq feet and it’s costs me $1450. So what the fuck do I care that you once paid $200 for a space like mine? You also paid a penny for gum and an actual nickel for a nickel bag….are you gonna bring that back too?

Listen Bloomberg, you can put all the plans into action you want- I obviously can’t stop you and I don’t have to invest in your glorified closet spaces. But what I don’t need is you trying to relate to people who make yearly what you consider pocket change. Just be a mayor who has his own channel on TV and who changed the rules about re-election while you throw mega soirees in Gracie Mansion.

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