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News! WORTH! Newsing!

June 21, 2012

Today was haaaaard to pick a topic. I suspected this would happen as media continues its brave descent into the world of WHO THE FUCK CARES?

But luckily Bieber saved the day. Yes! Biebs! Can you believe it?

I scrolled through articles of men too fat for custody of their own children. Prince Willy is turning 30, I had to turn down numerous jokes on what 30 means for him (socks and sandals, calculator watches, History Channel buff). But for some reason, Beiber Fever got to me…or rather…I’m immune to his charm and can make jokes at his expense accordingly.


The blow was so hard that he was knocked unconscious for several minutes, and even suffered a bizarre after-effect. Bieber was shown in the camera demonstrating how one of his eyebrows had simply stopped working.


Apparently objects are turning on celebrities- Beyonce falls off a stage she’d danced on numerous times, Lady Gaga has a pole attack her- or maybe it was a dancer, hard to tell nowadays, and now Biebs??? I thought of all people she would be fine. I mean, he. Bieber is obviously a he…

 He seemed more intrigued by the phenomenon than concerned. It was only a temporary situation, but further exemplified how dedicated and hardworking he is. He’s certainly not taking any of his fame for granted.

Bravo, Biebers. I mean, once, when my eyebrow stopped working, I just lost the will to live. I didn’t want to see anyone. I didn’t want to talk about why it happened to me out of all people. I certainly didn’t want to film it and talk about how weird it was. I just wasn’t me anymore. But Biebers? He is so strong. So dedicated. So easily amused by a medical issue that should quite honestly be addressed by his fans- what can a doctor do for Biebs? Nothing. Fans? Everything. Duh.

Luckily with the man power of youtube votes and facebook likes he strived through his medical impasse and found solidity in his fame. If a measly fall and lack of facial function can’t get to the Biebs, nothing can.

But I have to wonder. And stick with me here…but I have to wonder why someone who had a concussion, someone who the success of society rides on, didn’t have a swarm of doctors around him? If my face was my money and my eyebrow wasn’t working, I’d have a team of medical geniuses surrounding me shining penlights in my eyes and ears with pokers and prodders and all sorts of things… so, again, why not Biebs?

Because, if doctors can do one thing right- it’s labeling your exact gender.


And if I were a les-bieb-in who made it famous by being a boy who dances too smooth for his own good and can say ‘Baby’ 80,000 times without causing murderous rage- I wouldn’t want a doctor to see my vageen.

But YMWIK, it was his head and eyebrow not his/her whole body that was damaged.

You think a doctor can’t call a women from the head up? Why do you think they study so long in school for? I mean, come on guys.

And i’m not a doctor, not even close, if you could imagine. But I know one thing, when your girlfriend is turning into a woman and you’re looking more and more like Ellen everyday… I think that speaks for itself.

Portia and Ellen seem so happy. Oh shit…I mean…cough…

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