Some Things Can’t Wait.
Bad Advice From My Brother.
If you don’t know this blog, you need to. I was sure going to this site that he’d be the blogger with hundreds of likes and digital bras being thrown at him willy nilly. And then I see 2 likes here, 1 there, none on some….WHAT! Craziness.
**I’m silently shaking my head at the whole of wordpress readers and voyeurs**
Here are some that I feel should convince you, unless you’re a reh-tard. I don’t mean that really offensive word you can’t actually use, i mean reh-tard.
“Had this girl invite me over to her place for dinner last night, and when she was putting all the food out she started bragging about this “organic” ranch dressing she had for the salad. Well, needless to say, I swept all of the plates onto the floor and left. I don’t want “organic” ranch dressing, you idiot. I want ranch dressing from a factory in Iowa that’s had several health code violations over the years. Organic food tastes like shit. Have a good dinner– ALONE!”
“My asshole buddy just asked me why we were having a beer before we went to the gym. Why? Because NEVER. STOP. DRINKING. Also gyms are creepy as shit and if I don’t have four IPA’s first I’ll accidentally look someone in the eyes.”
“Once I was hitting on a girl in Chicago and used the word “sale-able” to describe something, and she spent the next ten minutes correcting me and insulting me, wondering how someone with such a great education could use such an obviously incorrect word. Well I hope that bitch was watching re-runs of Million Dollar Listing yesterday, because they used that word like FIVE TIMES! In your face you stupid idiot! In other word-related news, ever think about how very different the words URBAN and URBANE are? The E must be like the father who never comes back from getting cigarettes and fucks everything up. I wish Dad would’ve done that. Oh well, can’t win em all!” (he watched Bravo, people. I mean, how else can I make him…sale-able…eh???)