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Petition: Once A Month

June 14, 2012

Men, you might want to back out of this one. It’s your one and only warning.


Hahahaha, no seriously. Who the eff decided women could be trusted in public during this time?

I spent most of my train ride contemplating the murder, social or otherwise, of a total stranger lady because she somehow took both spots I was aiming for on the train this morning. The door with the vent mentioned in this post, and a seat a nice gentlemen actually stepped back for me to sit in- and no, it wasn’t because I was slightly bloated and possibly pregger looking. Fo reelz.

I despised her. Her stupid blue green eye shadow that somehow worked. Her perfectly straightened hair. That stupid ugly blazer that was actually pretty with her stupid ugly skirt that was actually nice fitting. WHO THE EFF DOES SHE THINK SHE IS?

Did she know, as she read her tiny kindle because a normal size is so last year, that I was planning a discreet way to stomp on her foot? No, she had no clue. Did she know I almost fake sneezed on her? No, she had no clue. Did she intentionally take both areas as an evil plot to destroy my morning? Yes, she sure as a dandy did. I’m sure of it.

And that mindset, ladies and gents-that-chose-to-read-this, WE SHOULD NOT BE LEFT IN PUBLIC!

I can easily work from home, and the only person I could get pissed out would be Frankie and, hell, he’s used to that. I would be left with a heating pad, snacks, Bravo TV. I would be stewing over something asinine but I’d be alooooone….  

And all you in the public who don’t have peripherals or choose to ignore them would be safe from my mental plotting of your demise.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. Diane permalink
    June 14, 2012 1:17 pm

    You know violence and women as tags for your columns could be attracting those people from porn sites you mentioned…otherwise bravo bravo, as in applause not TV.

    • June 14, 2012 3:07 pm

      HAHSAHAHAHAHA…you’re so right. makes me wonder about that post yesterday on children dressing slutty…

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