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I Was Just Wondering…

May 23, 2012

We have sex every day and talk about it openly with no awkwardness whatsoever! And How!

If we, the two people who are (and have been) boning each other, can’t talk about the act and all that is the act…who can?

It was extremely coincidental that a great friend of mine came to me yesterday and told me of her new direction in schooling and future career. She expressed her annoyance in the mindsets of sex and how uneducated we are in the facts but how cemented we are in dogmatic beliefs. I have no doubt in my mind she will help a large number of people in the future and open the door for proper sex education and communication.

Later that night, Frankie and I were bored and flipping through what On Demand had to offer. We noticed a show called 7 Days of Sex, my thought was: Oh this should be uncomfortable, let’s watch it!

And we did. And everything I said above is what I realized in the process. We have sex. You have sex. She has sex. They have sex. Those people over there sipping coffee, they sex it up, too. WE ALL HAVE SEX! (all being those who are sexing and/or those who are all legally allowed to)

We all also eat. And use the restroom. And breathe. Is it weird to talk about that? Ok, maybe the restroom thing but that’s because it’s gross. Sex is not gross, unless that’s what you’re into and I’m all for you experimenting with what you need- no judgement here! But honestly, there is a reason the stigma for a bathroom is gross- because it is.

How do I tell him I want to be called “Warrior Sex Goddess” in bed?

But why are we all brought up thinking these certain things about sex? It’s embedded so deep in our psyche that we can’t even bring ourselves to discuss the act with the people we’re sleeping with?!? That’s fucking weird.

Earlier that night, before 7 Days of Spouses Being Forced To Discuss and Then Participate In Sex, I was watching a Jersey Housewives. Teresa took her 10 year old daughter to get her training bra, and her mother…of the 10 year old…couldn’t stop giggling… The 10 year old? Was trying to get her mother to behave like an adult. If the adult can’t show her daughter that her boobs aren’t funny but normal and awesome and only hers- who will? And what does this behavior teach the tender mind of a young girl? That her body is embarrassing…which can undoubtedly transcend into everything her body will ever do.

But savvy acting in terms of your childrens mind isn’t always the fix. My parents were very open about sex, logical and ready to answer (through a series of throat clearing) whatever I had to ask. And as I grew into an older teenager who would be participating sooner or later in these types of actions, they were realistic and understood “horny teenagers will be horny teenagers”. Obviously, it must have been a struggle for them to keep that face- I am their daughter and age doesn’t change that. And apparently, their openness didn’t help in their adult daughters long run.

When it comes to Frankie and I discussing sex…gulp. BUT WHY??? It’s dumbfounding to me how two people who normally rip each other to shreds get a bit of a dry spell- that’s normal and okay- but the dry spell becomes a drought because we’re both too nervous to discuss it! WHAT!

It continues to baffle me and I have no genius insight to share as I’m victim to this very topic, so if my weirdo’s have anything to share I would love to hear it. Shout to me on comments or Facebook (look at the convenient box to the right!). LET’S TALK ABOUT SEX!

Tee Hee, sex, Tee Hee!

I was just wondering, if an early 90’s rap song couldn’t get us to talk about sex- who will?

6 Comments leave one →
  1. thesecond permalink
    May 23, 2012 10:48 am

    Sex is a very emotionally charged topic. If you’re having sex problems it may be because one of you suck in bed or forgot to wash their feet or such.

    Plus people are often really insensitive when you talk about sex. They say things which make you feel awkward and encourage you to never talk about it ever. I remember with a past girlfriend if I discussed any issues we were having we wouldn’t have sex for a while because she hated the idea of being unattractive in any way. So we never talked about sex ever.

  2. May 23, 2012 11:11 am

    Haha, if only a wash of the feet could fix every couple. You’re right in it being a charged topic. It’s just strange to me that sex and life aren’t balanced in terms of mindset and communication. When we don’t like something a boyfriend/girlfriend does, we say so. But when we don’t like something or want something done more in the bedroom? We’re shy, defensive. If only we could discuss sex like we do our grocery list.

    • thesecond permalink
      May 23, 2012 11:36 am

      Feet washing can’t fix every couple. But caring what the other person wants can.

      Well, I don’t say if a girlfriend does something I dislike. I am super subtle. I praise her and snuggle her and kiss her, then try to say it as gently as possible. I know how sensitive a topic sex is, so I talk about that in such a way too. I wouldn’t want sex to be as open a topic as a grocery list as it would then be very easy to hurt my partner or be hurt.

      People don’t talk about things for good reasons.

      • May 23, 2012 1:29 pm

        I can understand that, and I didn’t mean as flippant as a grocery list- I just meant with the comfortability of discussing. We can talk about some pretty personal or intense things with an open mind, its just strange sex can’t be on or close to that level when it happens on such a normal occurrence.

        And while people don’t talk about things for good reasons, sometimes those reasons are one sided leaving another person to feel left out or hurt… this is a case by case scenario under a massive umbrella of communication education. I appreciate your outlook.

  3. thesecond permalink
    May 23, 2012 1:46 pm

    It is good to have sex be something you are comfortable discussing. I have some very fond memories of post sex talks with sexy ladies. My point though, is that it is perfectly normal that sex isn’t like that a lot of the time. We should work to make sex like that by rewarding people for saying such stuff.

    The reasons are rarely one sided. The person doesn’t say it because they don’t want awkwardness that results from talking about it. They don’t want to damage their relationship. From a male perspective say, I make it clear that I won’t think of her as a slut if she talks about sex, a common worry. Her worry is reasonable and it is entirely normal she doesn’t want to talk about sex.

    • May 23, 2012 1:50 pm

      Ah, ok- I see what you’re saying now. I hadn’t thought about the common aspect of a girl thinking she’s a slut if she’s open to talk about it, that’s a very good point.

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