He Who Cast the First Stone.
Allow me to welcome our first guest poster! I’ve given Frankie the honors of penning this entry, I saw the article yesterday and while I had a lot of old people jokes set to go I knew Frankie would give a different vibe that would do this news justice. Enjoy.
Hehehe….so the Rolling stones are back at it again! Back into the studio for a new album which will undoubtedly be followed by a world tour.
Ok, I love the Stones….I mean, I LOOOOOOOOOOOVE the Stones, but let’s face it….the last great Stones album was in 1981 (Tattoo You) and their last great song was in 1997 ( Saint of Me). So, I’m thinking about this new album and I’m wondering….what can these guys do to re-capture the Rock N Roll fire?….What can they do to rejuvenate the creative juices so we don’t get another “same old shit” album?….
Then it hit me….a wonderfully sinister idea that would be groundbreaking. Something that, to my knowledge, has never been done before. Something so heinous….so vile….that only the Rolling Stones could pull off…What is this idea, you ask?….I’ll tell you…..they should…..DIG UP BRIAN JONES’S CORPSE AND BRING IT INTO THE STUDIO….AND THEN, OF COURSE….BRING HIM ON STAGE DURING THE TOUR!!!!
I even came up with a name for the album….JONES’S BONES! Now, I know that many of you are thinking that I’m just trying to be funny or sadistic, but if that were the case I would have suggested that they have his remains float in a see-through, glass pool (get it…cause he drowned in a…..anyway). The truth is that I’m dead serious about this (no pun intended)!
I can’t think of a better way to get the old magic back by bringing in the original founding member of the band and having his presence awaken some of those ancient vibes that used to swirl around!
I think we can all picture Mick coming up with a lyric like…”Oh Brian…I remember when you used to lay there like a slug while we all were workin’ hard….now im gonna bang my smokin’ hot, 23 year old Brazilian model girlfriend on your bag of booooones…BAG OF BOOOOONES….BAG OF BOOOOONES….I’M ON A, I’MA ON A, I’MA ON A BAG OF BOOOONES….DO IT, KEEF!” Ok, maybe I’ll let Mick handle the lyrics, but you get the idea. Whatever….it’s a great fuckin idea that will never happen because everyone sucks. Fuck it, I’ll just re-create my own Rolling Stones sleaze-fest…. I’ll go do coke off a whore’s ass while listening to to Exile on Main Street at maximum volume.
Erika…..I’m just kidding….you know I don’t do coke. Bye.