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I Can Has Style.

March 22, 2012

I’ve been sitting on this one for a few days, and after my train ride this morning, I’ve decided to go for it.

The first ever: I Can NOT Has Style.

I’ve been seeing things lately that truly have me questioning the eyes of man. And by man, I mean both men and women. You know how we do, sexist style.

Anywho, what the fuck is going on? I don’t even know that I can relive some of these things.

Allow me to start with the most obviously spine shuddering: TOO MUCH MAKE UP!

Ladies…Or clowns seems more fitting…Come now. Take this, *hands high fashion circus member face wipe*, now take that shit off! Honestly. It’s not even noon yet. I’ve given two examples of celebrity, but if I could put in the roster of under 18 girls who slap their faces so full of paint they don’t seem real, I would.

My theory on make up is a simple one- If you are going to scare the person more with your face off, you have a problem. It makes no sense to create a face that is not yours, it’s called highlighting…not renovation. I solely thank my mother for this mindset. 

Ok, you know what? I can’t go beyond this. It’s too big a deal. I was gonna touch on socks showing when wearing ankle boots, long shirts hanging over high waisted skirts and a mish mosh of smaller annoying traits the civilians think they can pull off without a stylist hovering nearby.

But the make-up thing… Where are your mothers? Your friends?

If your cream hoodie has a collar of bronze…that wasn’t done in the factory…You’ve put on TOO MUCH!

If your hand is different color than your face…You’ve put on TOO MUCH!

If you look like junkie with blackened eye bags thanks to gravity pulling your liner? TOOOOOOO MUCH!

Lastly…If you can’t touch your own damn face…TOO EFFING MUCH!

Live by Chanel’s wonderful motto: Look in the mirror and take one thing off before leaving the house.

In this case, it’s your face.

If these people can’t has style, I definitely HAS style.

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