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Gifting For People You Love…to Hate. With a Passion.

February 14, 2012

Who doesn’t love a day so full of love it’s no wonder you grit your teeth at the 3 word phrase for the other 364 days.

I know you’re stuck on what to get the special person you love but don’t like right now, or ever, or once a month (I’m talkin to you ladies.), so I’m here to help! Oh relax guys, stop kissing my feet, I’m normal just like you.

Cough.

Let’s dig into this blog heart and let the blood of good ideas drip from our fingers!

Boys. (Said with as much Valley Girl as possible)

Is the man in your life not saying enough? Does he not strum his own heart strings to the music of your nagging? What better way to make a guy squirm: A book he must write about why he loves you. While you look at him. Unblinking. With that smile you try to hide when thinking about smothering him in his sleep. Enjoy boys!

Just don’t tell him that subtle cologne scent you couldn’t cover with your own body spray is from the neighbor.

Is that special someone forbidden to eat sugar for fear of instant death…or at least a minor inconvenience before they take their meds? And did you and that special someone fight until 3 in the morning, only ending when he mutters something about the likeness between you and your mom? Happy V-Day.

Now, boys aren’t the only ones who deserve bad gifts. So, Fellas? Need some ideas? I think I’ve got a little somethin-somethin here:

Aw, isn’t that nice? I would inscribe it with, “Representing The Rock You’ll Never Get From Me. With Love.”

Imagine that weird, weak smile of a materialistic girl about to shed one tear through her prematurely botoxed eye… It’ll be worth it.

To remind the mobwife in your life that the end of your relationship is just The Hudson and a pair of cement shoes away.

Happy Love Day Weirdo’s!

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5 Comments leave one →
  1. February 14, 2012 10:54 am

    All joking aside…i love the anchor bracelet! And the book…I actually made a little book for my husband (our first valentine dating) that was hand drawn and written of how we met, stuff in between, and how we fell in love. It was cheesy but pretty funny because I made it wildly inappropriate.

  2. February 14, 2012 10:56 am

    As long as it was wildly inappropriate it will pass the test! Lovey Dovey is ok, I just have to keep my street cred up. *gag*

  3. February 14, 2012 10:58 am

    And in that same valentines I also gave him a gift I had bought for an ex-boyfriend…now that’s gangsta playa hood! LOL

  4. February 14, 2012 11:24 am

    I’m still getting over the fact that someone has taken the time to make a 5 pound gummy bear… I think I’ll be ordering one for myself, since the b/f has banned me from eating too much sugar because it makes me ‘talk too fast…’, which is his way of saying I irritate the hell out of him when I’m having a sugar high.

  5. February 14, 2012 11:25 am

    I read that as if you just ate the 5lbs Bear and it was amazing.

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