As I prompted on Friday, today we will discuss/plan the kidnapping, I mean befriending, of Harry Potter. I mean Daniel Radcliffe.
Potcliffe has come to admit being drunk on set for a lot of filming. I’m gonna go out on an Assuming Limb here and say it was the last few and that he wasn’t pulling a Barrymore in Chamber of Secrets. But who knows.
Well… I know.
And here is why, Watson. Every movie from the Stone to the Half Blood Prince was excruciating to get through, not only because mega plot details were Disapparated from the screenplay but because Daniel had his talents Disapparate as well. Excruciating. Crucio on my brain.
And then, well what do you know Deathly Hallows Part 1?… Danny boy has his acting chops back! I actually…**looks around for witnesses**…enjoyed watching him as Harry Potter.
I joked that he might be better in the last movies after his alchy admission… It wasn’t a joke. I was correct.
Which is why I’m almost certain…he drank his way through them. Obviously, we’ll only know for sure when we kidnap him, i mean befriend him. But for now I think my sleuthing skills are spot on.
So how do we kidnap/befriend Potcliffe? Alcohol of course!
I’m joking, that’s a horrible joke for someone who couldn’t act their age and get drunk on a normal-puke in the bushes-forgot texting your butt crack to Hermione-kind of night. So roofy-ing him is a no go.
Seduce? We might need a man for that. Don’t give me that look, we all know you’ve thought it once yourself.
Voldemort? That seemed to bring Harry out from the wood work in the series. Buuuuut he’s dead now…and not real. Sort of.
So what do we do? Pretend to be a Broadway producer? Tell him he can show his manly bits on stage? (done and SEEN! with my own eyes. It’s nothing to write home about) Act like an American movie studio who wants the Chosen One in their blockbuster hit of the winter, entitled Woman in Black? HOOOOOW? Why did Dumbledore leave me with such a big task and no direction!?!?
Oops, forgot who I was for a minute.
Ok, obviously this won’t be easy. Anyone have any suggestions for catching the cunning Boy Who Lived? (I have a really witty joke using that label in relation to his career after Potter, but I’m sure I’m not the first -so I digress.)