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WWJ(KR)D: What Would JK Rowling Do?

January 24, 2012

I openly admitted last week that I’m a writer.

I mean, ok, it’s not like I needed to stand up and declare “My name is Erika and I’m a writer.” I have a blog based on mini stories, obviously I can lay a word or two.

But what I hadn’t shared up until last week is that I write, like, books man. I’ve spent the last 3 years working on a few books, sometimes the concept comes quicker than my ability to bang the book out with editing (and my ADD with excitable new concepts when I should be focusing on the work in progress) but I have at least one that is 100% finished and ready to pitch…………………..Cough.

This causes a problem though: now that I’ve made it public to the few weird ass souls that think my blog is cool, I feel obligated to…you know…dooooo something with it. *SHRIEK* And not only that… but if I hyped that I have sooooooo many books under my belt, should I have to…gulp….wrap those up and push them from the proverbial nest too?

OH GOD THE HORROR OF HAVING A TALENT YOU FEEL COMFORTABLE IN SHARING! Or rather, UNCOMFORTABLE IN SHARING BUT YOU KNOW YOU HAVE TO BECAUSE WHO WRITES ALL THESE DAMN BOOKS TO NEVER GET ACKNOWLEDGED!

Now that being so gracefully said…. What the fuck do I do?

Who do I hope to be once I take on the role as Author In Progress?

This guy? Um… in success sure. In weirdo-ness, no thanks.

Uh, no shit. I mean seriously, who put her up there? *wipes lip sweat*

Get the fuck out of my face.

With those existential questions now floating in the universe, it’s time to talk query letters. Query letters are those little boogers you preface a sample of your manuscript with. You essentially, and shortly, tell the recipient why you and your book are the beez-fuckin-knees (without saying, beez-fuckin-knees).

If you are not familiar with this blog (and you happen to be a writer) it’s time your eyes reveal the potential of you looking extremely crazy and/or stupid.

This is what we don’t want:

Dear Esteemed Official, forthwith I am attaching my query for your keen consideration.

Or:

My book is a masterpiece, magnificent and excellent novel. You could earn at least $10,000 to one million dollar from my best novel. The readers would turn the pages in pleasure to find the consequences of the story.

 And God Forbid:
Dear Sir or Madam, will you read my book?
*Blank Stare*
I will no doubt share my progress of this new journey with you folks, as it is Erika attached to the journey its destined to not go smoothly with many sadly humorous twists. Yaaaaay.
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13 Comments leave one →
  1. January 24, 2012 11:30 am

    Can’t wait to see what your future holds.

    I must have missed your confession about writing *sad face* it probably was a part of all the hundreds of emails I deleted over the weekend because I was to lazy to read them.

    I enjoy your writing and look forward to more =D

    • January 24, 2012 2:14 pm

      you’re such an avid visitor that I’ll let it slide you didn’t realize how much MORE awesome I am. *cough*

  2. January 24, 2012 11:30 am

    Hey! If they don’t get the Beatles reference, do you really want them handling your manuscript?

    (Sorry- I can say things like that fearlessly ad belliegerently from the comfort of my years-away-from-being-near-finished fort of half chapters-and-book-openings, knowing I’m about a decade from worrying about publishers and editors.)

    • January 24, 2012 2:15 pm

      If this were facebook, I would ‘like’ that comment many times.

      • January 24, 2012 3:03 pm

        Thank you! Ugh, if this were Facebook I’d edit that- so many spelling failures. Fearlessly AND belligerently, I meant!

  3. January 24, 2012 12:10 pm

    Great post! Very glad I stumbled across your blog randomly. Who else can reference Stephen King and Snooki in the same post?

    • January 24, 2012 2:16 pm

      Nobody else can, which is why you must follow me with a fervor! **Stares intensely at monitor**

  4. January 24, 2012 1:38 pm

    Congratulations to you! I’m in your shoes, except I grew up saying I was a good writer; years ahead of buckling down. Now I am. I KNOW how different it feels: to finally hit on an idea, research the heck out of it -versus- actually composing the pages! It feels fantastic but scary too. Just my friendly word to encourage you and say someone GETS your drift ~ or shall we say “draft”. 🙂 I put off destiny so long, can you believe I feel this elated after page 4? hahaha I don’t know what I’ll say in my intro letter but yes indeed, we all relish the trail-blazing of Ms. Rowling and Mr. King.

    • January 24, 2012 2:18 pm

      I feel your genius play of draft deserves a “Buh dun schhh”. Good thing my writing skills are above my drum playing. thanks for visiting!

  5. Rachel Weise permalink
    January 31, 2012 11:11 pm

    Do it! Go for it! I read a terrible book the other day called “Cupcake” and the reason I read it: it was $0.99 on kindle. I would pay more than $0.99 to read your book (probably – so long as it contains NO VAMPIRES), and I suspect your book will not be terrible.

    OK. This isn’t the best logic. But I enjoy reading your blog, so I think you should get your damn book published.

    • February 1, 2012 9:41 am

      Oh Rachel…. Can you do me a favor? Close your eyes and go to a very happy place for a moment. Live there for a sec…. and then once you have done that, open your eyes and read this statement: I am so sorry, but my book (the completed one and THAT’S IT) is about a vampire escort in Manhattan. With one fang. I don’t know if any of those words surrounding ‘vampire’ makes it easier to swallow. I let you down.

      But you’re in luck! I have others that have nothing, nada, zip to do with vampires. And they’re as awesome as you think they should be. Sans vampires. Cough.

  6. February 1, 2012 5:48 pm

    What a friggin’ riot you are miss! A few months ago I queried a vampire novel to around twenty five agents. Some of them insisted that they represented horror, but when I mentioned vampires they don’t just roll their eyes, they outright REJECTED me (the fastest one took a mere eight hours). Needless to say I learned ALOT. Feel free to call on me for any help or questions that you may have. If you haven’t looked up Gina Panettieri yet, you should. She represents horror and various other weird things. She was very nice to me and offered constructive criticism when she didn’t have to. Two books that really helped me out were SELF-EDITING FOR FICTION WRITERS by Renni Browne and Dave King, and WRITING FICTION FOR DUMMIES by Randy Ingermanson. Don’t let the Dummy book fool you, it covers everything. Good luck.

    • February 2, 2012 9:03 am

      Thanks man! Yeah, I’m definitely aware that my guilty pleasure got the best of my writing time… and that the topic is out right over done. Sigh. At least I have a few with no vampires what so ever, surely something will work. **rubs chin thoughtfully**

      I’ll definitely check out those books and reach out should I need to!

      And welcome to You Mean What I Know!

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