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Nothing Like a George Clooney Indie Flick.

December 19, 2011

I will be departing for Tejas tomorrow early morn for the Christmas season.

Oh shitfuck.

Ya’ll don’t know the Erika writing this post, allow me to introduce you:

Erika who is horribly fearful of planes with anxiety so deep it feels as if its another being inside her causing havoc, this is the readers.

Readers, this is Erika who is horribly fearful of planes with anxiety so deep it feels as if its another being inside her causing havoc.

I can’t. I mean I will, but really I can’t. If you’d like insight into this special rendition of your blogger please read below. If you want to keep your sanity and feelings about how cool I am, leave.

~Kim asked if I’d rather fly with someone, or be alone. Before I could answer my brain helped to display images of both of those scenarios……….WHILE IN A PLANE CRASH. I told her either way I knew my end, neither was my answer.

~My stomach flops every fifteen minutes reminding me in 24 hours what I’ll have to endure.

~I can’t think of fun holiday activities without thinking, If I make it there.

~White knuckling chairs for 3 hours? Why yes I will!

~If you like traveling with a moody-snappy bitch step on up! I’ll bite your head off and spit it at you. Just ask Frankie*.

~How many terrorists did I count?

~3 more hours of eye twitching!

~Is that a bolt loose on the wing?

~and finally my in flight Mantra “Just get this fucker up there safely and let me watch my Bleeps of Bleep dvd’s, Just get this fucker up there safely and let me watch my Bleeps of Bleep dvd’s, Just get this fucker up there safely and let me watch my Bleeps of Bleep dvd’s”

*Frankie I’m so sorry you have to endure me on these trips. It won’t ever change, but I’m sorry. 

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. Maki permalink
    December 19, 2011 10:11 pm

    Its still so amusing for me to think about this cuz I literally have zero problems flying. I, for real, fall asleep before it even takes off lol my coworker is like you though and she calms herself during take off and landing by meticulously tearing a subscription card from out of a magazine into perfect 1cm squares lol. Have fun!!!!

    • December 20, 2011 7:22 am

      I have somewhat the same system but instead of ripping tiny squares I obsessively pray….and age myself about a year each take off. YAY!

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