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I Was Just Wondering….

November 29, 2011

Um, is that a bulge?

Mister slicked back dirty blonde, brown “hip worn” dress shoes, grey plaid blazer definitely born on Working Girl with grey slacks harboring no elasticity and about 3 sizes too small for a Pabst physique…. Did you look below your belt this morning?

Had I known I missed the memo for Back to Bulge I would still be shocked at what is going on in your pants store. And thanks to the low volume of caffeine in my blood I continuously forgot why my horrified eyes weren’t settling straight ahead. They would flicker back to a comfortable position only to bulge out themselves at the balloon of pudding nestled tightly in Goodwill slacks.

Don’t squish your pb&j–BULGE–I thought i reshuffled so Bulletproof wouldn’t play after Call Your Girlfriend–BULGE–Coffee–BULGE–I need brown boots–BULGE–What stop is this–BULGE

Come on, Man!

This blog is in no way intended to stiffen your ego, sir. A micro penis would look porn ready in slacks that tight. You are not in Poison. You don’t pull yourself slo-mo from the ocean exposing a commercial package for D&G cologne. You are not in a hipster band (and even then, honestly boys).

Adequately store your junk in comfortable accoutrements and lets give hope to your future wife that you didn’t suffocate all her future babies.

I was just wondering…when did the bulge come back?

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