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I Was Just Wondering…

November 21, 2011

I didn’t realize your children were poker chips.

Never in my life have I been witness to so many acts of

“I have a child therefore you won’t run me over”

“I have a child therefore that orange hand means nothing to me”

“I have a child therefore my stroller is car proof”

” I have a child therefore you don’t exist on this sidewalk.”

Mothers of New York… I plan to launch an attack of Calling Your Bluff. I will test that patented “car proof” stroller, I will ensure my elbow makes contact with your child’s face. Why? Because in this game of gambling, you’re betting I will respect your lack of manners and acknowledgement and move out of the way of your precious future president princess daughter/son. And in your choosing to gamble with your child as your hand I am allowed to call your bluff. I am allowed to show you that a child should learn manners and observe their surroundings appropriately, and if not you get motherfucking hit.

It is New York after all, correct? And while you might be teaching your kid to stand his own and walk where he wants and do as he (or really you because kids will normally move for someone quite taller than they) wants to do, I’m in the city abiding by the same rules. I see you create the thought that you have a child near you, people will stop for that reason alone. You wanna use your kids as a sidewalk barrier for passers by, I will motor through your Simon Says chain of rude human dwarfs and be on with my life. I know you see me, the orange hand, the oncoming cars. But are you so caught up in your important (gag) life you’ll risk a dangerous situation in the hopes people see you…or even care?

I was just wondering, when did kids become poker chips?

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