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News! Worth! Newsing!

November 9, 2011

This is a new segment for the towns that don’t get no respect!

That’s not true. It’s merely intended to bring the focus on a small town in America, make their news matter where they didn’t think it would.

Given the theme of November, Breaking Dawn Part 1 up for release and all, I thought I’d focus on Forks, WA. (Note: any online paper I went to had SOME reference of Twilight. It was brutal even for a fan.)

Thank God for Washington Border Control :

If it weren’t for the diligent Washington Border Control, Canadians might be in WA right now. 3 of them to be exact, GASP! Honestly, this isn’t a joking matter. Those Canadians could have used their denim to disguise themselves, make the town folk of Forks think they’re humans. I’m not fooled, only one thing comes from Canada: Celebrities.

I mean: Vampires.

What Better to Fight Canadian Vampires Than With This Truck:

Forks got a fire truck, ya’ll! It’s about damn time. I wouldn’t trust pasty rich adopted kids or half-dressed wolf heathen children to put out fires with their powers. It’s too risky. But this truck? It’s perfect. And it even has room for Bella’s dad to change into his fire gear!

Oh wait, he was a policeman. So why the fuck does Forks need a truck if it’s not for Policeman Swan? Ridiculous.

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