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That Venti Need Pants?

October 20, 2011

I don’t know bouts all you folks but… If your thigh is the exact girth of a venti cup, probably you shouldn’t be drinking one. Yeah?

Let’s evaluate. A) I said girth, just wanted to point that out in case you missed it. B) If I was drinking something the size of MY thigh….hmm, not sure how to finish that without making myself appear very large. I’m not large. I’m southern.

Ugh. That just makes it sound like I’ve created a ‘nice’ term for being fat, like fluffy or obese. I got curves bitches, take em in. Let your eyes go on a journey through the Appalachians of my hipsssss…hmm, that makes my skin sound like it has some weird goiter disease. I was just  trying to analogize curves to mountains. Yeah I think I made up a word but remember when I said girth?

Guys, seriously focus. I think tiny little pixie girls get enough awesome opportunities in life, like how ankle boots don’t make them look funny. They can cut their hair short. But honestly, drinking your right leg weight  in Starbucks soy latte is just down right rude. Think of us normal folk with long layered hair, you know how often we want to stare at ankle boots while drinking our body weight in fair trade goodness? Not a lot, but enough for a blog entry.

Go with a grande little ladies, leave the venti slurping to us size 8’s and up.

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